I remember the exact evening when I completely shut down as a wife, mother, and woman. My husband was out of town for business, and I was at home alone with my two boys, three years old and six months old. Both of them were crying inconsolably for two different reasons. I was anxious and frustrated. My ears were ringing from their loud cries. I was overwhelmed with nursing one and chasing after the other. I felt resentment towards my hard-working husband for having an excuse to get out of town and be in the adult world. I forbid myself to break down and cry in the moment for fear that I would concern my oldest. Instead, I spiraled into thoughts of helplessness and self-loathing.

Why wasn’t I good at this? Everyone else seems to get the hang of it.

Why am I not enjoying motherhood? Everyone else seems to be in a state of constant bliss and gratitude.

WHAT HAVE I DONE??

I managed to safely and successfully get them down for the night, but what remained for years to come was a powerful numbness towards my home life that led to a quest of trying many medications for an immediate fix, immersing myself in social media comparison, and other toxic behaviors. Anything to try to feel like my former self again.

For years, I showed up as a detached shell for my family. I felt like a visitor in my own house. I isolated myself and my kids from the social world as my anxiety manifested into an obsession with avoiding any and all germs and illnesses.

Short errands were ruled by my need to protect curious hands from all surfaces. I avoided play dates and social gatherings in FEAR of being judged, criticized, or being found out that I was a mother of two perfect children struggling to enjoy my role as the most important person in their lives.

It wasn’t until I found an amazing life coach for myself that inspired me on this journey to use my experience to help others.

As a certified yoga instructor passionate about feminine movement, I am passionate about combining my love of movement (both physical and emotional) and experience with postpartum depression and anxiety to create a safe, nonjudgmental space of healing and support.